The IT of all its!

What can I say. There were no prank calls, no pictures from the road, and no hour-by-hour updates like we promised. What there was, however, was the greatest road trip in the history of Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love/Mick Foley. We saw sights that were too great to comprehend, including one of the greatest wrestling matches I have ever seen. We saw people who apparently have thousands of dollars to spend on countless replica title belts (they were going for $275 and $375 at the event. Honestly, my words cannot do it justice. Follow along as I take you back to our last several hours of the road trip, and see for youself.

9:30 Wake up and breakfast. Apparently the breakfast buffet actually costed something ($10 a head for mediocre eggs and bacon). After we finished we got on the elevator and saw two guys who were going to 'Mania. I told House that was us in 25 years going to the 50th.

11:00 Church with Joel Osteen. There were 20,000 people at this one servic, give or take a few. I became a little frightened once I saw the waterfalls cascading down at the front of the arena, and even more spooked when the contribution envelope asked me for my account and credit card number. Great experience though--don't know how you run a church with that many members.

1:00 Lunch at Shanghai River Restaurant. Nothing special here.

2:00 We arrive at Reliant Stadium. We down some Mountain Dew Amp and head out, leaving the plastic title belts behind. A wise decision indeed.

2:15-3:30 We purchase our shirts and programs and hang out with the other thousands of crazy people who have flocked to Houston for this event. To say that the majority of these people were NORMAL would be an understatement. This guy was an Edge fan, though he claimed that his son made the sign. House and I could both see through his lies. Like Tony Howell, he is a closet wrestling fan. Don't be ashamed!

3:30 The gates open and we are allowed to entered the hollowed ground. Our seats were about 20 rows down from where I am standing here. I had a footlong chili-cheese hot dog and a large drink for $13. SENSE. House and I are still hearing "voices in our heads" from the healthy food we ate during the trip.

5:30 Wrestlemania 25 begins! This is what we have waited for! Nothing short of amazing. Definately worth the trip.

10:00 Four hours later and we are exiting the arena. We jog out to beat the rush, and by 10:10 we are on the interstate heading back for Nashville. No sleep is to be had in our vehicle, as we travel all night so House can get back to Oxford for his presentation. Many topics were discussed during the night, including the fact that our breath will never be the same (with no toothpaste, neither of us brushed our teeth the whole trip) and a man named Buffalo which House will discuss in his next post.

7:00 am-Monday morning We are back at House's grandparents home in Memphis, with both of us barely able to stand. You would have thought that we participated in Money in the Bank the night before. We part ways. The road trip to end all road trips has ended.

9:30 am I arrive in Centerville. Exhausted, I soon fall asleep. But on the ride home I gave 104.5 Wake-up Zone's crew the Wrestlemania report on air. They were impressed with my glittering wrestling knowledge.

Look for more in the next couple of days. I am still catching up on sleep. Be reading for our Top 5 'Mania moments.

Rest in peace,

Dot

10 hours later, we're here

After a drive that would rather be forgotten, we have finally arrived at the Courtyard-Marriot. During the trip we saw a man on the interstate have a heart attack (an ambulance quickly arrived), took the wrong turn about a dozen times, and faced a closed I-60 East when we needed it most. Fortunately we made it safely and touched down in Houston. Good news--House unknowingly booked a "Museum Package," so we get to go to the Houston Museum of Natural History if we so choose. Doubt we will be cashing in on that "money in the bank." We also ended up with two rooms, each with a king-sized bed. We are located 2.9 miles from Reliant Park, and just a few minutes away from Lakewood Church, which we will be attending tomorrow morning. The minister there is renowned televangelist Joel Osteen, author of Become a Better You.

Well we are both exhausted, and House has a 10-page paper to finish. I'll leave you with a picture of the two venues we will visit tomorrow. Only one more day till Wrestlemania 25!!!! Look for an update tomorrow morning.

You can't see me,

Dot

Today, I was excited to see that the Vanilla Gorilla, better known as Boomer "I usually don't wear jewelry" Herndon, is a follower of the greatest blog of the century. Boomer's link to the Andre the Giant story was also amazing. It took me back to the days of my freshman year when I watched a young Herndon post up in the corner of the apartment he shared with Andrew Preston and consume three 40 oz Old Milwaukees. That doesnt really compare to 110 beers in an hour but I always knew it was gonna be a great night when the caveman-like Herndon finished off his last "40", stand in the middle of the room, and did his best to butcher the hall of fame single "Still Tippin" featuring Mike Jones, Slimt Thug, and Paul Wall. I love you Boom.

Anyways, on to more important issues. Although Dotson contends that the 25 Diva battle royal is the worst match, I whole-heartedly disagree. While Divas are in fact inferior wrestlers and have weaker shoulder muscles, I do enjoy looking at attractive women no matter the context.
But since Dotson is getting wifed-up and is no longer allowed to look at other girls at all in any context, I will agree to disagree with Dotson agreeably.

Anyways, the worst match by far will be the one between John Bradshaw Layfield and Rey Mysterio. Both wrestlers are in about as good a shape as the Vanilla Gorilla was when he ran his first 1 through 6 at Belmont University. (the 1 through 6 is a conditioning test. needless to say, young Justin did not pass that first test.) Watching JBL and Mysterio is about as entertaining as watching paint dry. So, here's a match I would like to see instead of that other garbage.

Two years ago, the WWE pitted Bobby Lashley vs Umaga in a Wrestlemania matchup. The intriguing part of this storyline is that Lashley was represented by Donal Trump while Umaga was represented by Vince McMahon. Whoevers wrestler lost had their head shaved.

This year I propose the same storyine with slightly different twist. This years fight will be a father son combo with the sons wrestling to protect the fate of their father's dos (as in hairdos). In one corner, the Living Legend Roger Dotson will be represented by his own son Matthew. In the other corner, Rick Byrd will be represented by his adopted son Andy "the golden child" Wicke. Now, I know Mr. Dotson has alot more riding on this match in terms of hair but I beleive Coach Byrd would not be the best Mr. Clean look alike. Anyways, we still have time to petition for this match. So, let's use our best contacts to make this happen.

Nation of Domination

House

The worst match by far is in fact,

24 Hours from now I will be at House's grandparents house in Memphis

The days keep growing shorter and shorter. I leave for Memphis tomorrow afternoon. House takes his CPA test tommorow around lunch, and after that we head to Kroger to stock up on snacks for the road. There will be plenty of Red Bull, Vault, Nutter Butters, and beef jerkey. My father with the gorgeous hair is letting us use his Toyota Sequoia for the journey. Please let us know if you have any phone #s that you would like to see receive a special call from J.K. Tibbles over the course of the weekend.

Who knows what will happen this year? There are many questions, but there are also many things you can bank on:

-Good ol' JR will use the word "slobberknocker" at least 25 times in honor of the anniversary.

-Stone Cold will stun somebody.

-Shawn Michaels and Undertaker will put on one of the best wrestling matches ever.

-Mark Henry will fall off the top of a ladder and the ring will collapse.

-House and I will come back changed men, most likely for the worse.

-AL, Greer, Tarantula, Hobgood, David, and Big Boom will stand up in unison at 6:00pm Sunday and yell, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO" simutaneously.

-Uncle George Coleman will pout when Mr. Kennedy does not show up.

-Johhny from "Johnny's Big Burger" will cook 500,000 hamburgers in a matter of 10 minutes.

-This will be the road trip to end all road trips.

Contemplate on these things. Be looking for updates beginning tomorrow night. Thanks again for following the journey.

Helllooo ladies,

Dot