The IT of all its!

What can I say. There were no prank calls, no pictures from the road, and no hour-by-hour updates like we promised. What there was, however, was the greatest road trip in the history of Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love/Mick Foley. We saw sights that were too great to comprehend, including one of the greatest wrestling matches I have ever seen. We saw people who apparently have thousands of dollars to spend on countless replica title belts (they were going for $275 and $375 at the event. Honestly, my words cannot do it justice. Follow along as I take you back to our last several hours of the road trip, and see for youself.

9:30 Wake up and breakfast. Apparently the breakfast buffet actually costed something ($10 a head for mediocre eggs and bacon). After we finished we got on the elevator and saw two guys who were going to 'Mania. I told House that was us in 25 years going to the 50th.

11:00 Church with Joel Osteen. There were 20,000 people at this one servic, give or take a few. I became a little frightened once I saw the waterfalls cascading down at the front of the arena, and even more spooked when the contribution envelope asked me for my account and credit card number. Great experience though--don't know how you run a church with that many members.

1:00 Lunch at Shanghai River Restaurant. Nothing special here.

2:00 We arrive at Reliant Stadium. We down some Mountain Dew Amp and head out, leaving the plastic title belts behind. A wise decision indeed.

2:15-3:30 We purchase our shirts and programs and hang out with the other thousands of crazy people who have flocked to Houston for this event. To say that the majority of these people were NORMAL would be an understatement. This guy was an Edge fan, though he claimed that his son made the sign. House and I could both see through his lies. Like Tony Howell, he is a closet wrestling fan. Don't be ashamed!

3:30 The gates open and we are allowed to entered the hollowed ground. Our seats were about 20 rows down from where I am standing here. I had a footlong chili-cheese hot dog and a large drink for $13. SENSE. House and I are still hearing "voices in our heads" from the healthy food we ate during the trip.

5:30 Wrestlemania 25 begins! This is what we have waited for! Nothing short of amazing. Definately worth the trip.

10:00 Four hours later and we are exiting the arena. We jog out to beat the rush, and by 10:10 we are on the interstate heading back for Nashville. No sleep is to be had in our vehicle, as we travel all night so House can get back to Oxford for his presentation. Many topics were discussed during the night, including the fact that our breath will never be the same (with no toothpaste, neither of us brushed our teeth the whole trip) and a man named Buffalo which House will discuss in his next post.

7:00 am-Monday morning We are back at House's grandparents home in Memphis, with both of us barely able to stand. You would have thought that we participated in Money in the Bank the night before. We part ways. The road trip to end all road trips has ended.

9:30 am I arrive in Centerville. Exhausted, I soon fall asleep. But on the ride home I gave 104.5 Wake-up Zone's crew the Wrestlemania report on air. They were impressed with my glittering wrestling knowledge.

Look for more in the next couple of days. I am still catching up on sleep. Be reading for our Top 5 'Mania moments.

Rest in peace,

Dot

10 hours later, we're here

After a drive that would rather be forgotten, we have finally arrived at the Courtyard-Marriot. During the trip we saw a man on the interstate have a heart attack (an ambulance quickly arrived), took the wrong turn about a dozen times, and faced a closed I-60 East when we needed it most. Fortunately we made it safely and touched down in Houston. Good news--House unknowingly booked a "Museum Package," so we get to go to the Houston Museum of Natural History if we so choose. Doubt we will be cashing in on that "money in the bank." We also ended up with two rooms, each with a king-sized bed. We are located 2.9 miles from Reliant Park, and just a few minutes away from Lakewood Church, which we will be attending tomorrow morning. The minister there is renowned televangelist Joel Osteen, author of Become a Better You.

Well we are both exhausted, and House has a 10-page paper to finish. I'll leave you with a picture of the two venues we will visit tomorrow. Only one more day till Wrestlemania 25!!!! Look for an update tomorrow morning.

You can't see me,

Dot

Today, I was excited to see that the Vanilla Gorilla, better known as Boomer "I usually don't wear jewelry" Herndon, is a follower of the greatest blog of the century. Boomer's link to the Andre the Giant story was also amazing. It took me back to the days of my freshman year when I watched a young Herndon post up in the corner of the apartment he shared with Andrew Preston and consume three 40 oz Old Milwaukees. That doesnt really compare to 110 beers in an hour but I always knew it was gonna be a great night when the caveman-like Herndon finished off his last "40", stand in the middle of the room, and did his best to butcher the hall of fame single "Still Tippin" featuring Mike Jones, Slimt Thug, and Paul Wall. I love you Boom.

Anyways, on to more important issues. Although Dotson contends that the 25 Diva battle royal is the worst match, I whole-heartedly disagree. While Divas are in fact inferior wrestlers and have weaker shoulder muscles, I do enjoy looking at attractive women no matter the context.
But since Dotson is getting wifed-up and is no longer allowed to look at other girls at all in any context, I will agree to disagree with Dotson agreeably.

Anyways, the worst match by far will be the one between John Bradshaw Layfield and Rey Mysterio. Both wrestlers are in about as good a shape as the Vanilla Gorilla was when he ran his first 1 through 6 at Belmont University. (the 1 through 6 is a conditioning test. needless to say, young Justin did not pass that first test.) Watching JBL and Mysterio is about as entertaining as watching paint dry. So, here's a match I would like to see instead of that other garbage.

Two years ago, the WWE pitted Bobby Lashley vs Umaga in a Wrestlemania matchup. The intriguing part of this storyline is that Lashley was represented by Donal Trump while Umaga was represented by Vince McMahon. Whoevers wrestler lost had their head shaved.

This year I propose the same storyine with slightly different twist. This years fight will be a father son combo with the sons wrestling to protect the fate of their father's dos (as in hairdos). In one corner, the Living Legend Roger Dotson will be represented by his own son Matthew. In the other corner, Rick Byrd will be represented by his adopted son Andy "the golden child" Wicke. Now, I know Mr. Dotson has alot more riding on this match in terms of hair but I beleive Coach Byrd would not be the best Mr. Clean look alike. Anyways, we still have time to petition for this match. So, let's use our best contacts to make this happen.

Nation of Domination

House

The worst match by far is in fact,

24 Hours from now I will be at House's grandparents house in Memphis

The days keep growing shorter and shorter. I leave for Memphis tomorrow afternoon. House takes his CPA test tommorow around lunch, and after that we head to Kroger to stock up on snacks for the road. There will be plenty of Red Bull, Vault, Nutter Butters, and beef jerkey. My father with the gorgeous hair is letting us use his Toyota Sequoia for the journey. Please let us know if you have any phone #s that you would like to see receive a special call from J.K. Tibbles over the course of the weekend.

Who knows what will happen this year? There are many questions, but there are also many things you can bank on:

-Good ol' JR will use the word "slobberknocker" at least 25 times in honor of the anniversary.

-Stone Cold will stun somebody.

-Shawn Michaels and Undertaker will put on one of the best wrestling matches ever.

-Mark Henry will fall off the top of a ladder and the ring will collapse.

-House and I will come back changed men, most likely for the worse.

-AL, Greer, Tarantula, Hobgood, David, and Big Boom will stand up in unison at 6:00pm Sunday and yell, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO" simutaneously.

-Uncle George Coleman will pout when Mr. Kennedy does not show up.

-Johhny from "Johnny's Big Burger" will cook 500,000 hamburgers in a matter of 10 minutes.

-This will be the road trip to end all road trips.

Contemplate on these things. Be looking for updates beginning tomorrow night. Thanks again for following the journey.

Helllooo ladies,

Dot

5 Days from Departure

It is hard to believe that the time has finally come. In just a few short days, House and I will be leaving the state of Tennessee for bigger ground....Wrestlemania 25. I sincerely appreciate the support of followers such as AL, Tarantula, Greer, David, and Hobgood. Your guest postings have been greatly received by the general public, as I have at least a dozen different people come up to me every day and tell me how awesome the blog is. Although House and I will be the only ones in his non-air-conditioned Civic, you will all be there with us in spirit.



Also, this weekend the blogs will be updated almost hour on the hour. Be prepared for pictures from the road and stories of prank calls too good to be true. If you never follow this blog again (which is a STRONG possibility), follow it this Saturday and Sunday. The "Show of Shows" is upon us, and I look forward to all of you following us on our journey.



Wrestlemania III. What else needs to be said? The match between Hogan and Andre the Giant defined 'Mania as the wrestling spectacle that it is today. This is bigger than Bobby Whiskers vs. John Tibbles. Bigger than David King vs. Grant Leaver. Bigger than Josh Pollock vs. Men and Food (or something like that--look it up on MySpace). This was IT and Daybo would say. When Hogan picked Andre up and slammed him down, he changed the world of professional wrestling in the process.


So for those of you reflecting back to yesteryear, remember Hogan and Andre (R.I.P.). Every once in a while when the Podge stops talking about his hair, he pauses and mentions Wrestlemania III, saying, "Hogan was the man, but my hair was so much better." Nonetheless, we look forward to titanic moments such as this one this coming Sunday.


Raw is Jericho,

Dot

Wrestlemania XIV Stone Cold v. HBK

As I sit waiting for Wrestlemaina to arrive, like a heroin addict waiting for their next fix. I am taken back to my childhood, and a match that sticks out in my mind took place March 29, 1998. A match between two legends of my childhood: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels, but some of us forget the x-factor of this match. Degeneration X's influence was reaching an all-time high, and nothing made that more apparent than the support of Iron Mike Tyson. As the match took place and both legends submitted their bodies to brutal closed fist punches and extreme knife edge chops. The highlight occurred as Michaels landed a graceful elbow drop, and was ready to strike up the band with his "sweet chin music". As Stone Cold rose to his feet, he countered the sweet chin music twice and finally silenced Michaels with a devastating stunner. As Stone Cold went for the pin Iron Mike made the guest 3 count and Stone Cold was named champion. I mentioned the x-factor previously, this statement was not due to the fact that Iron Mike was there, it is the fact that Wrestlemania is so pure that even Iron Mike can not make a mockery of it. Not only did having Mike Tyson there prevent a possible beating of an innocent woman or a face tat, but Tyson did possibly the only descent thing in his life as he not only made the 3 count, but continued to knock out HBK and drape his body with the most beautiful shirt the WWF has ever created. The shirt I'm referring to is the Austin 3:16 shirt. I would like to think that Tyson and Austin had a good cold beer after the match, as men should. In closing, I would like to thank all of the supporters of this great event, and wish my blessing upon House and Dotson's journey ahead, to Wrestlemania.

-Hobgood

VISIT THE KING FISH KITCHEN!

David King here. I am currently sitting in Martin at the Shady Pines. Man do I love Hwy 22! The match I am scheduled to analyze is this one:

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy--once brothers now sworn enemies. These two brothers remind me of my relationship to Dotson. We once got real angry at each other and settled it inside a steel cage. However, these two are going to settle their differences in an extreme rules match.

I recall when I had to jump in the pond with Wesley Morgan, and the days in which my father Waymer shot at Dotson with his shotgun (true story). Anyways, I don't konw how this applies to the Hardy vs. Hardy match, but I took 37 Tylenols earlier and am feeling PRETTY GOOD.

Rating: 6

Winner: Hardy

If you haven't tried the catfish in Pleasantville yet, please do. Don't be mistaken--the sign says "Helga's Pantry." Stop by for some great seafood. I'm watching Jim Herron wrestle a grizzly bear as we speak, but that may just be the Tylenol talking. Nonetheless, I love wrestling and wish I was going to 'Mania with Dotson and House. Thanks to both of you for your dedicaition.

"Whit! You got farrred!",

David King (of Pleasantville/Junior Turr President/Associate Greenskeeper at Skyview Country Club/Tractor Salesmen at Lynch Equipment/Sawmill Worker at Freeman's Lumber/Waiter at King's Fish Kitchen/Golf Galaxy Salesman/Mr. Burger Chef/Lifetime Dancer/Carpenter/Fighter Pilot/Sandman/Clock Maker/Butcher/Baker/Candlestick Maker)